The Life Changing Magic of Body-Love
Learning to love my body unleashed a wave of life-changing action and self-compassion
Counting, Counting, Counting.
I spent much of my teenage years counting. Counting calories, counting steps, calculating the amount of weight I’d lost since I last weighed myself. I was obsessed with numbers; they ruled my life, and I relied on them so heavily for the sliver of sanity focusing on them gave me. That sliver of sanity eventually devolved into immense dread and stress that followed me everywhere.
And what was at the root of this neurosis? A hatred of my body that infiltrated all areas of my life and poisoned my being so intensely, I rarely enjoyed the things I once did. This self-hate followed me for years, and its impact on my mental health seemed insurmountable. Until one day, I’d decided I’d had enough of the self-hate and it’s insidious sabotages of my life, peace, and happiness. I used to hate my body.
Doesn’t sound too far-fetched, right? After all, our society (and especially the women in our society) routinely hate on our bodies, personalities, choices, and lives. Ruthless self-criticism runs rampant among humanity, and we buy into it almost every day; I sure know I did. My journey to harnessing genuine love and respect for my body is ongoing, and I devote extra energy to every day. The changes I’ve made in my mind and life through this simple yet complex act of loving my body is invaluable and led to my exploration of other changes I can make to cultivate a kinder environment for my thoughts to call home.
“I Love You, And I Am Going to Show It”
It all started one Sunday afternoon in February of 2019, it had been a rough month, and I had struggled emotionally throughout the obstacles I experienced. I vividly remember standing in front of the bathroom mirror after taking a shower. My instinct was to avoid looking too intensely at my reflection, and I moved to hastily put my clothes back on before I got too disappointed in the person in front of me. Something clicked that afternoon, and instead of rushing to hide myself from my discerning eye, I decided to look intently at myself and say:
“I love you, I might not show it yet, and I might not appreciate this body, but today I can start to try.”
And with the intention of giving some extra kindness and care to my body that day, I left the bathroom in higher spirits than when I had entered. This intention evolved into a mindful everyday practice; every morning, when I woke up, I would look at myself in the mirror and say, “I love you, and I am going to show it.” I may not have believed it at the time, I certainly felt pretty silly and doubtful the first time I did it, but I started to see changes.
I began to pay more attention to my body; the food I nourished it with, the movements it helped me conduct, and the exceptional strength it has in simply keeping me alive. I slowly realized I was building the foundations for respect and gratitude for my body as well.
I started walking more and eating healthier foods; I thanked my body for keeping me up and moving during more intense cardio workouts or challenging yoga flows. This was the beginning, and I cherish these early moments of body love and respect because they played an essential role in forming me into the person I am today.
The Role of Food
Food began to play a vastly different role in my life; it become something I dreaded the consumption of due to my internalized body hate and lack of healthy nutrition to something I looked forward to nourishing my body with. I enjoyed the process of choosing a meal, cooking it, and mindfully savoring every bite. This was a newfound joy that was unfamiliar to me; I had always ate mindlessly. If I was eating the forbidden ‘wrong thing’ (a term I now believe to be disingenuous at best and damaging at worst).
Once I learned to be grateful for the nourishment I was providing my body, rather than judgmental, I was able to infuse so much more love, compassion, and mindfulness into my daily eating habits. Food is a powerful resource, we need it to survive, but there’s so much more involved in the process of creating the meals on our plates. Our food goes through so many steps to get to our grocery stores and farmers markets, then we have to buy it, decide how we are going to prepare it and do so, and then eat it. So much work is put into the food we eat and yet we often treat it as though it isn’t a sacred creation born out of acts of community and care.
Food has the potential to heal and bring people together, it has the potential to make our bodies function at a higher capacity, and it has the potential to bring us enjoyment and pleasure. Eating is not bad, it is not something we should shame ourselves for. Let’s celebrate food!
What Is Bad Food, Anyway?
The concepts of “bad food,” “naughty food,” “cheat foods,” “don’t eat this, don’t eat that” plague our society which is overrun by a rampant, foaming-at-the-mouth diet industry. Companies that produce diet foods and products want consumers to believe that there is a difference between what they call “bad food” and “good food,” when really there isn’t any difference at all! This may be a baffling concept to individuals who have been effectively brainwashed by the diet industries, but let me explain this for a second:
ALL food serves a purpose. Yes, all food. Those potato chips you keep in your nightstand for nights you can’t sleep and are drowning in negative thoughts? Good food. The ice cream perpetually sitting in its designated easy-to-reach corner of the freezer? Good food. The three day leftover mac and cheese you made after a late night out with friends? Was good food and is good food.
When we give into this false dichotomy of “good food” and “bad food” we ignore that food is simply food. Claiming that there are “naughty foods” infers that in some way eating is naughty, but feeding your wonderful body should never feel naughty, it should feel good! So eat that cupcake! Indulge in those delicious nachos! Revel in the glow of the fridge at 12am as you eat the last slice of cold pizza! You deserve to eat, and you deserve to give into your cravings sometimes, it’s human and it’s healthy.
Focus On Nourishment, Rather Than Calories.
One of the biggest shifts in my nutrition I’ve undergone is ending my practice of counting calories. My old counting habit eventually morphed into counting fat, protein, carbohydrates, etc; but this wasn’t good enough. It was still a way for me to continue counting under a guise of healthier intentions. I don’t count anymore. I don’t count anything.
I focus on the quality of the nourishment I am giving my body, rather than the quantity or arbitrary numbers. If I give my body mostly healthy, plant-based whole foods like legumes, fruits and veggies, whole grains, and healthy fats like avocado and olive oil, I’m setting myself up for success! It’s that easy. I aim to give my body a considerable amount more nutritious foods and still continue to enjoy foods that have less nourishment.
This shifts the focus from weight loss and appearance, to body-love and care.
Believing In The Love
Eventually, I noticed that not only was I proclaiming my love for my body, I was starting to believe it too! I’ve always had a tumultuous relationship with my stomach. It’s a marvelous organ that allows us to nourish our bodies and partake in special celebratory moments with loved ones. Almost every social celebration or event is centered around food or has food as a focal point; our stomachs allow us to participate in these life experiences. So why all the hate?
Our society prizes flat, toned tummies and dismisses chubby, soft tummies as the result of laziness or bad eating habits. Walking through the magazine aisle, under the glow of the fluorescent lights, you’ll see tanned, toned models with headlines like:
“Lose your belly fat in 7 days with these 10 easy moves”
Flat, toned tummies are good tummies too. All body parts are beautiful, useful, and unique. Let’s pride ourselves in our differences. I love my hip dips, I love the way my stomach curves, I love my big thighs, I love my strong feet.
I used to hate my stomach because I thought it was too big, too round, my bellybutton was too deep, and I had stretch marks. That’s why I realized just how far I had come when I looked in the mirror one day and said, “I love my stomach, its soft, cute, and completes essential tasks for me every day despite my past hatred for it,” and I truly meant this statement. I cherish my body and the work it does for me everyday to keep me alive, to keep me moving and able to enjoy my the company of my friends and family.
This extended to other parts of my body over time as I began to see them in a new light; no longer was I projecting society’s body standards onto my individual, unique body. I understood that bodies vary in a multitude of beautiful ways and that I could choose to see my own version of beauty. Besides, I always thought curvy women were gorgeous, so why shouldn’t I extend that appreciation to myself?
“I Love You and I Mean It”
Today I can look in the mirror and say, “I love you” and mean it wholeheartedly. I now see my body as a complex working system that provides me rest, nourishment, breath, and movement if I choose to give it the opportunity. My body is what keeps me alive; it allows me to do things I’ve grown to enjoy, such as spending time outdoors, doing yoga and dance, and eating healthy, nutrient-rich foods.
I respect my body; I don’t do things that will sabotage it anymore, and I don’t allow myself to linger on negative thoughts about it. Of course, I still have negative thoughts; in fact, only two weeks ago, I was poking at the extra weight I’ve gained over quarantine, lamenting the fact that I allowed myself to take out my stress and boredom by overeating and neglecting exercise.
The difference is that now I allow myself to think these thoughts; I let them pass like clouds in the sky. I tell myself that although I may not be thrilled with some things about my body right now, all I can do is give myself the tools I need to both change those things and change my perception of them. I may have a bit of a double chin right now, but that’s okay; bodies change, appearance is never fluid, and therefore it’s not something we should rely on so heavily for our peace and joy.
These changes did not happen overnight, they took time and patience, and they took deep reflection and hard work. It took effort to overcome society’s standards for how a woman’s body should look. I had this preconceived idea of how certain body parts should be based on information I was overloaded with from the media, friends, and family from a very young age. It’s a messy process, but I never wondered if it was worth it; I knew that it was every time I felt some peace when thinking of my body.
The pain I experienced as a teenager and young adult fueled my desire to change my mindset and perception regarding my body-image. I no longer feel the need to hate on my body to fit in with other women. Countless women (and other genders too!) have had similar experiences and are on their journeys to find love and respect for their bodies.
We no longer need to complain about how our love-handles are too squishy, or our thighs have too much cellulite. Instead, we can say how much we love the fact that our partner enjoys resting on our soft bellies or that we love how strong our legs are when accomplishing challenging yoga poses. We can share a mutual appreciation for our bodies and create a new healthy bond full of love and kindness. This is the future I envision; I only hope more people can begin to experience this life-changing magic of body-love.
You can begin your own journey to body-love today, here are five simple steps you can take, and feel free to do them out of order:
- Look in the mirror and say “I love you and I am going to show it”
- Do what feels right in order to show yourself you love and care about your body. Take that yoga class. Go on that hike with your best friend. Eat that scrumptious tofu stir fry. Get enough sleep. Treat your body with tender-loving kindness.
- Eradicate the power the notion of “bad food” and “good food” has on you. Whenever you notice your mind slipping into the thought process of feeling guilty for something you are eating, stop, evaluate, and affirm. Stop what you are doing for a moment. Evaluate what you are eating, is it nutritious or not so much? Are you eating because you are hungry or for pleasure? Is there a healthier food you could be eating or is junk food serving its role in making you feel better in this moment? Observe your intentions and take action. Continue eating and say an affirmation: “I deserve to eat, I deserve to enjoy unhealthy food sometimes, unhealthy food is not bad food.” or find a healthier food to eat. But keep in mind, it’s important to listen to your body and eat what feels good to you.
- Bring mindfulness into your daily actions. Cooking, eating, exercising, walking. Appreciate the benefit these things are bringing to your life and give them the time and attention they deserve.
- If you stumble, don’t go too hard on yourself. Have compassion for your mistakes, and learn from them. Move on.
When we exercise, eat healthy, drink enough water, and get enough sleep because we love our bodies instead of hating and wanting to change our bodies, the effects truly are life-changing. ❤
